12/30-2/9

Love is quite a concept.

It's a sickness.

It's a smoke screen,

a disease,

a weakness,

and inescapable. 

useless

digital
karma
drama
reaps
scream
fight
change
believe
punish
lie
crypt
repeat
study
hope
care
regret

december

Rip me up while there's still time.

I won't notice the back door open.

I won't fight, scream, kick or kill.

work me

in a weird place

a place of forced facades

secretly

I’ve crushed for years

and now

the slight peak in interest

brings about a novel of falsehoods

the story I forced

the feelings I dreamed

the life I made up

I want it

are we real?

did I just imagine this match,

forced my attention,

and called it flawless?

patience

grow up

make decisions

and time tells all

blessing of the moment

all it takes
is one breath
of that deadly scent
a scent i haven't found in years
the combination lethal
your cologne
and your incense
and your weed

it's been nearly three years
since that beautiful night
the night you left
we knew it was coming
i knew to not attach
myself to you

it's been nearly three years
i could smell you today
you were everywhere
for the first time since you left
all it took
was that one breath
and all the memories
of those short four weeks together
came flooding back
every moment

i don't regret, though
i don't want to live it again
but it was beautiful
we've both moved on
to better things
and worse
but i know we're living well
because of each other

and i secretly hope
you remember me
and that my scent is just
as deadly to you
as yours is to me

cheers

the curse of the J

no one but myself

is an authority on my thoughts & feelings

all you know are my actions

actions open to gross misinterpretation

if you are concerned for my well-being

(or just want to gossip)

maybe you should just ask me

it's less of an effort 

than soliciting third party sources

i know that i am better alone

i don't know what i want
i don't know what i need
i don't know what i am
capable of giving

i do know what i don't want
i do know what i don't need
i do know what i am
capable of ignoring

and that is you

twelve

Life is a game.
Life is a pure game.
One part patience,
one part manipulation,
and one part lust
with a dash of intuition.

RE: I need to just chill the fuck out.

I am 21.726 years old.

Based on family history, and hoping I don't get involved in any freak accidents, I have between 38.274  and 74.274 years left to live. That's still a lot of time..

A lot of time to make mistakes

A lot of time to change my mind

A lot of time to pretend

A lot of time to not know my purpose

A lot of time to lay around and do nothing

A lot of time to sulk

A lot of time to hate on myself

I need to stop freaking out about everything.

I can make changes now

I can be an adult 

I can know what I want

I can change my mind about it later

I can blow all my money

I can work my ass off and save

I can do anything I want

I can make a bad choice

& If I do, it's not the end of the world.

I have plenty of time to make mistakes and try new things and change my mind.

Maybe some day I will figure it all out; I've got plenty of time. 

(http://oreosandcigarettes.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-need-to-just-chill-fuck-out.html)

aged

im so confused

i thought i knew what i wanted

and i do

but i dont

and i guess i never will

i thought...

on to the next one

establish false connection

breed deceit

live the fake

pick innocence clean

drink trust dry

toss purity

burn the bones 

Fit

invite only to the promise of record

give and pull

at least I make sense

and you breathe less

Feb 15th, 2013 5:34pm

beautiful and the tragic

comfort in deceit

the irony of life and love

obsessive compassion

unhealthy company

I'M BACK!

I've missed you.